Evolution in Reverse

Here's how evolution should work:

Individuals of a species succeed in their environment: they either use a resource that other creatures leave behind (like a rat); outperform in the act of gathering food (like locusts); or they attack their own kind and survive so that they can they can bear offspring with their genetic traits (like crabs).

Mankind is doomed because the elderly are preying on the young. If they succeed in scrounging, food gathering or killing other people, they can't pass their genes onto the next generation. There is the chance that they have passed on their genes and then made room for them. They could do this by hanging on to resources or jobs so long that younger generations fail. Or, they climb the curb and drive into crowds of people-- they don't drive over their own kin, they will have successfully made room for their offspring.

Case in point: this afternoon my daughter, my mother, my neice and my nephew were walking out of a small strip mall, using the corner sidewalk that bridges the parking lot with the general sidewalk. I look up and a little grey haired figure was peaking up from behind a steering wheel. Peering through her huge brown googles, she climbed on the sidewalk island. It meandered over the crosswalk and came up the sidewalk. I pulled Alice out of the way, the kids and my Mom dodged the car, as did some other people. I started slamming on the hood of the car. The fossil was oblvious to loud repeated banging noise on her hood and her driver side window.

She continues on her way, parks the 1972 brown pinto (BC license plate *** 631) and gets out of the car. I went over to her and said, "You can't drive on the sidewalk!"
The Dodecagenarian replied, "Well I had to get where I was going." Oh, pardon me. How dare I challenge her. How dare I call her on her taking a ton of metal over pedestrian walkways?

So she gets all scared and goes to drive away. I used my mind trick and said, "Ma'am don't get in the car." So, she heads into the Scotia Trust and stays there. I call the police and get bumped around. An officer shows up and I fill him in. The Dodecagenarian wanders out and I leave. As we pulled away, the cop and the old lady were still talking. All being well, she'll have her license revoked.

I'm sure she has a grumbly story of some young bastard yelling at her and she had to hide in the bank and then this guy calls the police on her she has to answer all of these questions. "The nerve of people!" she might cry out as she drives up and down the aisles in safeway behind the wheel of her small brown pinto.

Comments

Tim Bailey said…
"I had to get where I was going?" She actually thinks this is an excuse? I guess she wouldn't mind if I took her groceries. I mean, I had to eat.
Mrs Robot said…
It's alright, Mike, because I am bravely defending our generation.

The elderly are attacking mercilessly in grocery stores with shopping carts and their bony little elbows. Brazenly they shove and ram, they barge right on in with the confidence only aquired in one's dotage: they know we wouldn't dare shove and ram right back. Screw that. Rude and ignorant is rude and ignorant, be you 17 or 77. So look out, because my elbows are bloody sharp and I've heard that a broken hip really hurts.
Shawn DeWolfe said…
In 10 years, my Mom will be doing the same thing. All things considered, it's likely she'll run over your Mom, Tim (in a good way).

If I had her address, I would encourage you to visit this women's home and clear it out. Because you needed all her stuff, you know.

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