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Sunday, July 08, 2012

Cthulhu: The Ultimate Lawn Ornament

What's big green and available for your lawn? My Cthulhu Sculpture! happy_cthuloween I am trying to sell my sculpture of Cthulhu. It's a man-sized fiberglass sculpture of one of Lovecraft's Elder Gods. It sits on a wooden base and is ideal for a spooky or horror theme garden. This creature is a sure fire piece of traffic calming as people slow down to check it out.
There are many ingredients in this sculpture. It's foundational architecture was a barbeque stand (reduce, re-use, recycle). The limbs were built with metal and wood. On top, layers of foam and mesh were used to build the shape. Plaster and auto-body filler built up the final. On top of that, many layers of resin and fiberglass were used to give it its hard exterior. I painted and completed the surface.
It comes with a water feature: tapped into a hose, water pours from the boat that Cthulhu has lifted into the air.
Approximate weight is 160 lbs. It is very much made to withstand the elements. The price is $850 and you also have to pay for shipping or pick it up from the Victoria BC area. Heck, if you want, you can just buy this and drop it to the ocean floor for your own perverse amusement. I won't judge. Maybe you want to start your own underwater Ry'leh theme park. This is how you start!

Maybe you don't have enough room for a man-sized sculpture of Cthulhu. That's why I am also selling smaller, jar sized Cthulhu embyros.
If you want to inquire either size Contact me.
Fact sheet Original Post

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Canada Post is Rotten

After the lock-out and the back-to-work legislation passed, I expected that mail would resume yesterday. At 5PM a Canada Post employee, one who had the whiff of management to her, walked up my steps with two pieces of mail (one junk mail, one bank statement). She knocked on the door and handed me the mail with an apology, "I didn't know where your mailbox was." I replied, "It's that large white box at the bottom of the stairs where people put mailboxes." How can a grown-up human being in Canada not recognize a mailbox? As my daughter suggested, it's like a dairy owner not knowing what a cow looks like. However, it does speak to part of what's wrong with Canada Post. It's run by morons.
I have tried to send some of my crafts via Canada Post. It has been a dodgy prospect. One package could not be delivered because they couldn't find the address. When it came back, I was working by my front door with the door open. I saw the delivery truck pull up. I walked out to greet the postee. She had one of those "pick up at the post office" cards. I said that I was here and could accept the package-- the package that I had sent that they could not mail and had returned to me. That package was sitting in her truck while she was putting the card into the mailbox. She couldn't give me the package. I had to go down to the post office late the next day to pick it up.

What kind of a system works like this? One that breaks packages in lieu of delivering them? A system that will deliver mail blocks away from the intended address? It's a system that has always been broken, but the volume of mail has dropped so low that their accidental competence doesn't peek out from their high volume of mistakes.
Over 20 years ago, I worked for Canada Post. I was part of the Christmas rush and the press of labour who help from September to January. Casual employees don't get any union benefits but they do have to pay union dues-- we paid $60/month off of our first paycheque per month. If we worked one shift for four hours, we would gross $64 and have to hand back $60 of that to the union who actively tried to stop us from working at Canada Post. The Canada Post management were inept and more than once tried to call me for a shift so late in the month that would basically hand back the cheque to CUPW.
You know those creepy weirdos you distance yourself from in public? They work for the post office. Canada Post is rife is bizarre behavior and bad reasoning. There is workplace deceleration happening there. Casual staff buzzed around like frightened eager mice. New unionized staff also generate output. Lifers lope around the plant like understudies from Nosferatu. There is a practice of "sampling:" mail that has been sorted gets pulled and checked randomly for accuracy. One time while I was working, one of the lifers rummaged through a big cart of mail, looked at the address and put it back in. Another staffer came by and asked, "Are you sampling?" and the lifer replied, "Nah. Just looking at how messed up the mail is. See? How wrong is that?" He noted just how wrong that letter address was compared to the cart it was in, then smooshed it back into the cart.
They would not pay overtime unless desperate. Every shift, we needed to stop work 10 minutes before the end of the shift and queue up at the timeclock. A hundred staff would stand by the clock poised to clock out within a minute of the shift ending. If you clocked out a minute early, you'd be docked pay. They had no problem with 1000 people minutes per shift being wasted, but did have a problem with clipping off one minute yourself.
Packages. You should save yourself the trouble and smash whatever you mail with a hammer before you send it. The packages get shipped with all the care of a gorilla with a temper tantrum. They are moved around in these large cages and to fill the cages, packages will be squeezed in any which way to use all of the volume. One night we had a backlog of packages and the cages were stacked larger than the size of a house (literally-- at least 50ft. x 50 ft. x 20 ft.). I overheard the managers talking about this mass of stalled deliveries. They had no intention of putting on more staff from their casual pool to move those packages.
A few years after my purgatory at Canada Post, I was working for a small start-up downtown. The mail would show up randomly and then it stopped showing up at all. We asked why we were not getting mail. The building was 100 years old, but our company was new. Because our company was new, Canada Post was considering whether or not they would deliver mail to us. The reason: the steps from the street down a flight a stairs and to our office had not been accounted for because out office had not been continious occupied for 100 years, so they couldn't get the postee to walk that flight of stairs. I complained. I obviously complained loudly enough to get a Canada Post manager to pay us a visit. They took out a tape measure to feature out the 60 feet we were "adding" to their route. Then, they told us to consider ourselves lucky. If we complained again, they would stop delivering mail.
This strike and lock-out has shown that we don't really need Canada Post, especially in its current state. It's a lumbering bureaucracy that cannot be challenged. You are disallowed from asking for it to improve. In it's current state it's one step more necessary than telegrams. For Canada Post to persist it needs to transform. There needs to be quality in its processes and accountability. Right now, the only exhibit of quality is a squeeze on the staff to move out more mail-- who cares if it goes in the right direction or if it shows up in one piece. The management make whole careers atop a pile of bad decisions. If Canada Post doesn't know how to deal with the mail, they need to learn.

Friday, June 17, 2011

Canucks Riot: A pictorial journey

Scott Jones & Alexandra Thomas - Kissing Couple in Vancouver Riot identified

Hey-- can't Tasmanian siblings have sex in peace?


My fly dance moves make up for my small mis-shaped penis!


Watch as the North American Dumb-Ass, clad in shorts considers attacking the man with the gun...


Face it: some people cannot handle a world with Peter Mansbridge

Percy starts to cover the riot

Tonight on CNN: dumb reporter get attacked by the Hulk.


OMG! My BF is swinging from a lamp post like a chimp! 
That's why I totally love him! 

attempting to keep the first fire going

How many dumb-asses does it take the get a fire going, anyways?

Come to Vancouver: Enjoy our downtown open-air BBQ


We'll hide behind this fence!

Question: How old are you, mentally?

Check it! I'm FOOURR!!

Dude! I totally got a picture of that thing I burned, yo!

Stanley Cup Finals – June 15, 2011 – Vancouver Riots

I didn't have the heart to tell him that it didn't read "Hooligan"

2011 Vancouver Riot

Man-- this wait for the port-a-potty is taking FOREVER!

Premier Clark joins the Vancouverites

The irony: Christy Clark is going to need dumb people to get re-elected.
Unfortunately, they riot but they don't vote.

Friday, May 20, 2011

So Long and Thanks For All The Fish

"... and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord"

According to Harold Camping, the End Times are nigh upon us (again-- he's been pitching The End since 1994 or earlier). The End begins on May 21st, 2011, this time around.

Creepy Gnome (close-up) He is giving us advanced warning. On Judgment Day, May 21st, 2011, there begins a 5-month period of horrible torment for all the inhabitants of the Earth. On May 21st, God will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). Don't get your looting shoes out of the closet. May 21st is Zombie Day. The living holy people will still be around the endure the next five months. People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord. I've always thought that when you die you go to Heaven, but according to this, you are entombed for upwards of 2000 years until your physical remains are uplifted. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. Death will be everywhere. May I suggest buying those little booties that Sleep Country delivery guys wear? Starting tomorrow, the whole world will look like Delhi and it's going to stay that way. Worst of all: we get jipped out of a final Halloween. The End ends on October 21th, 2011.

But then, The End has been hanging out this it was written into the Bible:
  • 1844 - William Miller predicted Christ would return between March 21, 1843 and March 21, 1844, then revised his prediction, claiming to have miscalculated Scripture, to October 22, 1844. The realization that the predictions were incorrect resulted in a Great Disappointment. Miller's theology gave rise to the Advent movement. The Baha'is believe that Christ did return as Miller predicted in 1844, with the advent of The Báb, and numerous Miller-like prophetic predictions from many religions are given in William Sears book, Thief in The Night. So, according the Baha'i belief, we are post Rapture and living in the 1000 years of peace. Given how much human suffering is solely created by human behaviour, maybe the last 170 years is the best we can do. Perfection is a bland monotone-- the highs and lows make us appreciate the good things in life and an appreciative and thankful life feels satisfying.
  • 1914, 1918, 1925, 1942 - Dates set for the end by the Jehovah's Witnesses. So, after 1942 why did the Jehovah Witnesses stay banded together? The End has come and heaven needs no churches. So, if you're a faithful JW, the last thing you'd do is show up and help build another Kingdom Hall.
  • 1981 - Chuck Smith predicted that Jesus would probably return by 1981. Ronald Reagan's presidency definitely made the End believable. The chance he would fall asleep on The Button was about 40% per year.
  • 1988 - Publication of 88 Reasons why the Rapture is in 1988, by Edgar C. Whisenant. He should have revised the book 1999.
  • 1989 - Publication of The final shout: Rapture report 1989, by Edgar Whisenant. More predictions by this author appeared for 1992, 1995, and other years.
  • 1992 - Korean group "Mission for the Coming Days" predicted October 28, 1992 as the date for the rapture. Ironically, that's when Starcraft was released, so in Korea they were totally correct.
  • 1993 - Seven years before the year 2000. The rapture would have to start to allow for seven years of the Tribulation before the Return in 2000. Multiple predictions. One prediction: America would elect their worst president ever.
  • 1994 - Pastor John Hinkle of Christ Church in Los Angeles predicted June 9, 1994. Radio evangelist Harold Camping predicted September 6, 1994.
  • 2011 - Harold Camping's revised prediction has May 21, 2011 as the date of the rapture.
  • 2060 - Sir Isaac Newton proposed, based upon his calculations using figures from the book of Daniel, that the Apocalypse could happen no earlier than 2060. He used apples to invent gravity, so he much have this right ;)
If this is the end, you will not be able to spend your money in the next day or in the zombie littered five months to come. If you hold this to be true, feel free to dump your excess money in my Paypal account:

Monday, May 02, 2011

Harper Majority. NDP Opposition

Congratulations to Stephen Harper and the Conservative win of 166 seats. Let me know when you're converting those seats into Borg alcoves.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Bin Laden Dies While Hiding Behind A Woman

Here's a streaming feed from :

Word is being floated that Bin Laden will be buried at sea: - I guess Al Qaeda followers are free to visit his grave.

2:31pm It's being reported a woman used by bin Laden as a human shield was also killed. One helicopter used in the raid reportedly had mechanical failure and was destroyed.

2:29pm Egyptian-born doctor and surgeon Ayman al-Zawahri is al-Qaeda's second-in-command expected to succeed Osama bin Laden, Reuters reports.

2:26pm There are reports a crowd of a thousand people have gathered at Ground Zero in New York.

2:25pm Reuters reports that a US official believes Osama bin Laden's adult son and two other adults were also killed during the raid on his compound.

2:24pm The New York Times has published a seven-page obituary for Bin Laden.

2:22pm NBC News cut away from potential presidential candidate Donald Trump’s The Celebrity Apprentice on the US East Coast to carry coverage of the announcement. The breaking news also slightly delayed Apprentice on the US West Coast.

2:19pm The US Government has issued a worldwide travel alert after Bin Laden's death.

2:18pm The American ABC reports the large crowd of people, about 200 and growing, outside the White House gates, waved flags, danced, and sang, "Na na na na - na na na na ...Hey hey goodbye" in reference to Osama bin Laden.

2:02pm US Navy Seals were involved in the mission that killed Osama bin Laden, a Senior Defence official has reportedly told CNN.

1:57pm The New York Times has revealed how the news of Bin Laden's death leaked out before President Obama's press conference.

Dan Pfeiffer, the White House communications director, wrote on Twitter: "POTUS (President of the United States) to address the nation tonight at 10:30 PM Eastern Time." This, and another terse email sent out to journalists, "Get to work", fuelled suspicions that Mr Obama would be announcing the death of Bin Laden.

1:55pm Quotables from President Obama's speech:

His death does not mark the end of our effort. There is no doubt that al-Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us.

1:52pm Former Guantanamo Bay detainee Mamdouh Habib says the death of Osama bin Laden will not end the war on terror and there is no evidence he masterminded the September 11 attacks.

America is the war on terror, George Bush is the war on Terror. What, you think with Osama bin Laden dying there won't be war any more? There is no evidence he was a terrorist.

1:51pm Contrary to earlier reports that suggested OBL was killed last week, the President says the attack was carried out by a small team of Americans on Sunday, May 1 (US time).

The president said last August he was briefed on a report about the location of bin Laden, hiding within a compound deep within Pakistan, and last week, he authorised the assault on the compound.

The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's efforts to defeat al-Qaeda.

1:45pm The President finishes his speech by quoting from the US pledge of allegiance, saying America is “one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

1:44pm See how the world's media has reacted to the death of Osama Bin Laden.

1:42pm "Justice has been done," he says.

1:41pm "The US is not, and never will be, at war with Islam," the president says.

1:40pm The president confirms OBL was killed in a firefight. No Americans or civilians were hurt.

1:38pm President Obama says capturing or killing OBL was "top priority of our war against Al Qaeda".

1:37pm According to trendistics, a Twitter monitoring tool, "Osama" is included in one in five tweets globally at the moment.

1:35pm President Obama has begun his address confirming the US has conducted an operation that has killed Osama bin Laden.

1:33pm The Australian dollar has dropped US0.3c on reports of bin Laden’s death.

1:28pm The report of Bin Laden's death comes the week after UK's Daily Telegraph claimed to have been shown thousands of pages of sensitive documents relating to a decade of interviews in which extremists admit to plotting attacks.

1:23pm A CNN reporter says a Pakistani intelligence official says it is the result of highly sensitive intelligence operation that led to the death of OBL and Pakistani intelligence was involved in the operation.

1:21pm An American, who lives in Brisbane, has told,au she was crying and shaking upon hearing the news of bin Laden’s death because it brought back memories.

As an American who lived an hour outside of New York City on 9/11, this is huge for me. I saw and smelled yellow/brown smoke in the sky for hours, spent six hours waiting in a hospital to donate blood to survivors who were never found, and sleep with the TV news on for weeks afterward (all regular programming was cancelled for at least a month).

1:19pm There's a huge roar as a massive crowd chants the US national anthem The Star Spangled Banner outside the White House.

1:09pm Al Jazeera reports the terror leader was apparently killed in a mansion outside Islamabad.

Correspondents also warn of a possible backlash in Pakistan and Middle Eastern supporters over his death.

12:45pm Rumours of Osama's death were reported on Twitter before the official statement.

Contact me!