Oh, Coffee: Thee Muncheth Cock

An ode to the lack of coffee:

For a long while I have been convinced that coffee was doing me harm. I have drank coffee off and on from when I was in my teens until 11 years ago when it became a daily ritual. Concurrent with that ritual, I have had lots of jitters and anxiety. LOTS.

About three years ago I tried to stop coffee. I went cold turkey. At the end of the first day, I had a headache. On the second day, my heart was pounding and I was dizzy. I was in the throes of chemical addiction withdrawal, period. By the fourth day, I was sure I was dying and I rolled the dice that I wasn't dying. I got a coffee and in 30 minutes I was feeling a whole lot better. I put the yoke back on and continued my coffee drinking ways.

I knew that coffee was toxic stuff: it tasted good, but it was bad. It wasn't a crutch to let me work long hours-- in fact, I used to sleep less when I had less coffee. About a month ago, I started the process again. I went from a pot of coffee a day on some days down to one mug. Then I missed the odd day here and there and weathered the odd headache (well, the odd headache on top of my daily headache from my blood pressure medication). By Thursday, my body knew the jig was up: I wasn't missing the odd day, I was intent on kicking it. In the last week or two, every day that I missed my coffee, my body acted up with palpitations and headaches and general ennui.

Friday was the sign-off. I had a nice mug of coffee. I was going to go a couple of days sans coffee.
On Saturday I was coping, then I had a crash ca. 10:30-- palpitations, dizzyness, headache, bad vision and confusion. It passed. I was a surprised that it passed and it did. A couple hours I got a repeat. When we got home, I crawled into bed and vegged out.
Sunday was an okay day: no coffee, a tinge of headache and disorientation. Later I got some nausea and dry mouth, but not too bad.
Monday: I ventured a mug of coffee. The idea isn't a relapse, but a controlled fall with the odd ledge to break my fall. As I write this, I have jitters. The coffee has ravaged my digestive system. I feel argumentative and short-tempered. In hindsight: this was all commonplace on any day that I had a mug of coffee.

Maybe there it a how-to article in this: "How to drop Starbucks from your life."

Coffee: you suck it.

Comments

Cheryl said…
Time to write that article, I think. :)

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