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Friday, May 20, 2011

So Long and Thanks For All The Fish

"... and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord"

According to Harold Camping, the End Times are nigh upon us (again-- he's been pitching The End since 1994 or earlier). The End begins on May 21st, 2011, this time around.

Creepy Gnome (close-up) He is giving us advanced warning. On Judgment Day, May 21st, 2011, there begins a 5-month period of horrible torment for all the inhabitants of the Earth. On May 21st, God will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). Don't get your looting shoes out of the closet. May 21st is Zombie Day. The living holy people will still be around the endure the next five months. People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave this world to forever be with the Lord. I've always thought that when you die you go to Heaven, but according to this, you are entombed for upwards of 2000 years until your physical remains are uplifted. Those who died unsaved will be raised up as well, but only to have their lifeless bodies scattered about the face of all the earth. Death will be everywhere. May I suggest buying those little booties that Sleep Country delivery guys wear? Starting tomorrow, the whole world will look like Delhi and it's going to stay that way. Worst of all: we get jipped out of a final Halloween. The End ends on October 21th, 2011.

But then, The End has been hanging out this it was written into the Bible:
  • 1844 - William Miller predicted Christ would return between March 21, 1843 and March 21, 1844, then revised his prediction, claiming to have miscalculated Scripture, to October 22, 1844. The realization that the predictions were incorrect resulted in a Great Disappointment. Miller's theology gave rise to the Advent movement. The Baha'is believe that Christ did return as Miller predicted in 1844, with the advent of The Báb, and numerous Miller-like prophetic predictions from many religions are given in William Sears book, Thief in The Night. So, according the Baha'i belief, we are post Rapture and living in the 1000 years of peace. Given how much human suffering is solely created by human behaviour, maybe the last 170 years is the best we can do. Perfection is a bland monotone-- the highs and lows make us appreciate the good things in life and an appreciative and thankful life feels satisfying.
  • 1914, 1918, 1925, 1942 - Dates set for the end by the Jehovah's Witnesses. So, after 1942 why did the Jehovah Witnesses stay banded together? The End has come and heaven needs no churches. So, if you're a faithful JW, the last thing you'd do is show up and help build another Kingdom Hall.
  • 1981 - Chuck Smith predicted that Jesus would probably return by 1981. Ronald Reagan's presidency definitely made the End believable. The chance he would fall asleep on The Button was about 40% per year.
  • 1988 - Publication of 88 Reasons why the Rapture is in 1988, by Edgar C. Whisenant. He should have revised the book 1999.
  • 1989 - Publication of The final shout: Rapture report 1989, by Edgar Whisenant. More predictions by this author appeared for 1992, 1995, and other years.
  • 1992 - Korean group "Mission for the Coming Days" predicted October 28, 1992 as the date for the rapture. Ironically, that's when Starcraft was released, so in Korea they were totally correct.
  • 1993 - Seven years before the year 2000. The rapture would have to start to allow for seven years of the Tribulation before the Return in 2000. Multiple predictions. One prediction: America would elect their worst president ever.
  • 1994 - Pastor John Hinkle of Christ Church in Los Angeles predicted June 9, 1994. Radio evangelist Harold Camping predicted September 6, 1994.
  • 2011 - Harold Camping's revised prediction has May 21, 2011 as the date of the rapture.
  • 2060 - Sir Isaac Newton proposed, based upon his calculations using figures from the book of Daniel, that the Apocalypse could happen no earlier than 2060. He used apples to invent gravity, so he much have this right ;)
If this is the end, you will not be able to spend your money in the next day or in the zombie littered five months to come. If you hold this to be true, feel free to dump your excess money in my Paypal account:

Monday, May 02, 2011

Harper Majority. NDP Opposition

Congratulations to Stephen Harper and the Conservative win of 166 seats. Let me know when you're converting those seats into Borg alcoves.

Sunday, May 01, 2011

Bin Laden Dies While Hiding Behind A Woman

Here's a streaming feed from :

Word is being floated that Bin Laden will be buried at sea: - I guess Al Qaeda followers are free to visit his grave.

2:31pm It's being reported a woman used by bin Laden as a human shield was also killed. One helicopter used in the raid reportedly had mechanical failure and was destroyed.

2:29pm Egyptian-born doctor and surgeon Ayman al-Zawahri is al-Qaeda's second-in-command expected to succeed Osama bin Laden, Reuters reports.

2:26pm There are reports a crowd of a thousand people have gathered at Ground Zero in New York.

2:25pm Reuters reports that a US official believes Osama bin Laden's adult son and two other adults were also killed during the raid on his compound.

2:24pm The New York Times has published a seven-page obituary for Bin Laden.

2:22pm NBC News cut away from potential presidential candidate Donald Trump’s The Celebrity Apprentice on the US East Coast to carry coverage of the announcement. The breaking news also slightly delayed Apprentice on the US West Coast.

2:19pm The US Government has issued a worldwide travel alert after Bin Laden's death.

2:18pm The American ABC reports the large crowd of people, about 200 and growing, outside the White House gates, waved flags, danced, and sang, "Na na na na - na na na na ...Hey hey goodbye" in reference to Osama bin Laden.

2:02pm US Navy Seals were involved in the mission that killed Osama bin Laden, a Senior Defence official has reportedly told CNN.

1:57pm The New York Times has revealed how the news of Bin Laden's death leaked out before President Obama's press conference.

Dan Pfeiffer, the White House communications director, wrote on Twitter: "POTUS (President of the United States) to address the nation tonight at 10:30 PM Eastern Time." This, and another terse email sent out to journalists, "Get to work", fuelled suspicions that Mr Obama would be announcing the death of Bin Laden.

1:55pm Quotables from President Obama's speech:

His death does not mark the end of our effort. There is no doubt that al-Qaeda will continue to pursue attacks against us.

1:52pm Former Guantanamo Bay detainee Mamdouh Habib says the death of Osama bin Laden will not end the war on terror and there is no evidence he masterminded the September 11 attacks.

America is the war on terror, George Bush is the war on Terror. What, you think with Osama bin Laden dying there won't be war any more? There is no evidence he was a terrorist.

1:51pm Contrary to earlier reports that suggested OBL was killed last week, the President says the attack was carried out by a small team of Americans on Sunday, May 1 (US time).

The president said last August he was briefed on a report about the location of bin Laden, hiding within a compound deep within Pakistan, and last week, he authorised the assault on the compound.

The death of bin Laden marks the most significant achievement to date in our nation's efforts to defeat al-Qaeda.

1:45pm The President finishes his speech by quoting from the US pledge of allegiance, saying America is “one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.”

1:44pm See how the world's media has reacted to the death of Osama Bin Laden.

1:42pm "Justice has been done," he says.

1:41pm "The US is not, and never will be, at war with Islam," the president says.

1:40pm The president confirms OBL was killed in a firefight. No Americans or civilians were hurt.

1:38pm President Obama says capturing or killing OBL was "top priority of our war against Al Qaeda".

1:37pm According to trendistics, a Twitter monitoring tool, "Osama" is included in one in five tweets globally at the moment.

1:35pm President Obama has begun his address confirming the US has conducted an operation that has killed Osama bin Laden.

1:33pm The Australian dollar has dropped US0.3c on reports of bin Laden’s death.

1:28pm The report of Bin Laden's death comes the week after UK's Daily Telegraph claimed to have been shown thousands of pages of sensitive documents relating to a decade of interviews in which extremists admit to plotting attacks.

1:23pm A CNN reporter says a Pakistani intelligence official says it is the result of highly sensitive intelligence operation that led to the death of OBL and Pakistani intelligence was involved in the operation.

1:21pm An American, who lives in Brisbane, has told,au she was crying and shaking upon hearing the news of bin Laden’s death because it brought back memories.

As an American who lived an hour outside of New York City on 9/11, this is huge for me. I saw and smelled yellow/brown smoke in the sky for hours, spent six hours waiting in a hospital to donate blood to survivors who were never found, and sleep with the TV news on for weeks afterward (all regular programming was cancelled for at least a month).

1:19pm There's a huge roar as a massive crowd chants the US national anthem The Star Spangled Banner outside the White House.

1:09pm Al Jazeera reports the terror leader was apparently killed in a mansion outside Islamabad.

Correspondents also warn of a possible backlash in Pakistan and Middle Eastern supporters over his death.

12:45pm Rumours of Osama's death were reported on Twitter before the official statement.

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