The Recreational Interview

I have a good job. And, I am past probation. A post on a discussion forum that I am a part of asked for a web developer-- a non-smoking web developer. The job poster gave a gmail.com address which is something I always find weasely: by keeping the employer anonymous you have to apply for the job and then discover if they're an employer you would ever want to work for. I applied for a job once and discovered that the place was the place that sold herbal viagra and spammed almost everyone alive about their crappy product. This guy is likely a one-man show who BSed his way into a job too big for him; and/or the graduate of a lame tech college (2, 3) who now has to do his job and he's discovered he's tapped out for skills.
Anyways, the post to the discussion group generated a lot of flak and it reminded me of a concept I came up with a while: the recreational interview. Make up a resume and LIE about every detail so as to be a shoe-in for the job and guarantee an interview. Why? Have you seen what happens at an HR office? One place asked for resumes to be stapled, one came in with a paper clip and got rejected. That schmoe lost the job over a paper clip. Others rejected non-black-ink-on-white-paper applications; for a typo; for calling someone named "Mel" by Mister (Mel was a woman). Once you have the interview, consider the flavour of the interview and go in, guns blazing. Here's some thoughts:
The Pirate. Say everything like a pirate. "Dar Lassie! That software barge be a fine lot. But they'd keel haul the Linux folk as sure as a pirate has a parrot."
Peek a Boo. Do the interview normally. Bring interview notes. Part way through, hold up the book to obscure your face from the interviewer. Then, tentatively poke your head around and shout, "Peek a boo!" Repeat.
The Salary Issue - Version One. Go all the way through the interview. As soon as you can, discuss the topic of salary. With a straight face, tell them you are unwilling to work for less than $400,000/yr. plus a boat.
The Salary Issue - Version Two. When you can work in the topic of salary, tell that you want to be paid in celery-- a weight of celery equivalent to the interviewer and that you will need to verify the weight on a weekly basis.
Star Wars. Everything you talk about has to tie into Star Wars. Use similies at the start. By the end of the interview, cite experiences of Star Wars characters as though they were your own. "I was flying down the trench. I had this X-Wing in my sights. Suddenly my wingmen were destroyed and I was blown out of the trench by this spice smuggler. That was my worst job."
Clown Day. Come to the interview dressed as a clown. Explain that your mother dressed you this way.

Comments

Cheryl said…
But my mother *did* dress me that way, I swear! It's not my fault!

Also, another theme: Pig Latin. A-say o-nay ore-may. (E-bay ure-shay o-tay aim-clay it-ay as-ay another-say anguage-lay.)
Tim said…
Hey, how about this: You get to the point where they ask if you have anything else to say, and you bring up your concerns about valuing your personal integrity, which causes them all to launch into a flurry of defences of their own integrity?

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