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Thursday, November 03, 2005

Island View Golf Course Has Some Balls

The news talked about the Island View Golf Course. The farm next door has collected 11,000+ golf balls. They land in the farmer's field from errant swings. The farm has to either collect them manually or suffer golf balls when they machine up their harvest. The balls would either wreck farm equipment or give the crop that golf ball flavour.
The chucklehead doofus golf course manager, Chris McNulty has said that he's made offers to the farmers. The farmers have said he hasn't spoken to them yet. I guess the chucklehead didn't think that the reporter would walk next door and ask: "Did he talk to you?"
How can the farm get some contrition out of the golf course? Because of the golf course, farming on the farm is no longer viable. Why not use all of this unfarmable land to make the golf course unplayable?
What helps golf? MUSIC! Nothing improves your game like a mix of music. Here's the iPod shuffle I would blast music out over the farmland to soothe jangled nerves of hard working golfers:
  • Journey's Hold On played at 90% of regular speed
  • The intro dialogue from Star Trek: The Original Series
  • Led Zeppelin's Kashmir played with a Scottish bagpipe.
  • George W. Bush saying the phrase "Political Capital" twenty times at alternating speeds
  • Oktoberfest music
  • Celine Dion's My Heart Will Go On second 20% of the song only
  • Mitsou's Mon Cowboy (don't mess with it's speed or content-- it's quite annoying as is).
  • The MacGvyer theme
How about using the farmland for storage?
If you have too many carboard boxes covered with tin foil, drop them off at the farm for fast and friendly storage. Unlike glass mirrors, reflective cardboard boxes will remain safe regardless of how many golf balls are flung at them. As an added service, they will be aimed at the driving range so that at some point in the day someone will be able to see their reflective surface brilliantly reflecting the sunlight.

2 comments:

Cheryl said...

Hey, now I know where you've been finding extra cash... you're Satan's personal DJ!

Tim said...

I recommend that the farmers up the ante: convert their fields to rifle ranges. Of course, the targets should all be lining the golf course boundaries...



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