Paris Hilton Arrested for DUI

Paris Hilton was arrested early this morning for DUI. Hilton was pulled over driving home in her Mercedes-Benz SLR McLaren. She didn't utter an anti-semetic rant, but she did blame the Germans for engineering her Mercedes; she blamed the Italians for expensive fashion; and the Swedes for setting the bar for porn so high.

A police spokesman said:

"The officers observed that Hilton exhibited the symptoms of intoxication. A field sobriety test was conducted at scene, and the officers determined she was driving under the influence.”

Hilton was booked on suspicion of misdemeanor DUI and released. Elliot Mintz, a spokesman for Hilton, said police detected a 0.08 blood-alcohol level, the minimum to warrant an arrest. Mintz says she was driving home from a charity event where she had just one margarita (what, a 64ouncer). Hilton says the real reason she was driving erratically was because she had been "working" for almost 24 hours straight and hadn’t had anything to eat all day. This is why prostitutes have pimps: to care for them. When your skeeze has been up for 24hrs, you get her into the back of your Lincoln and go through drivethru. Toss her a quarter-pounder and say, "Yeah... I treat my bitches right..."

Hilton was released just 90 minutes after being arrested when her sister Nikki, Nikkis boyfriend Kevin Connolly and Mintz arrived to pick her up. And thank god too. I was worried to death that Paris might actually have to live like the rest of us for one day, in a world where the rules applied to her.

Paris Hilton had to take a breathalyzer. When she was asked to blow, she replied, "line up, boys."


* Sorry, Paris Hilton brings out my skanky side: like rioting brings out looting

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