Mike DeWolfe : The Daily Edition

After the lock-out and the back-to-work legislation passed, I expected that mail would resume yesterday. At 5PM a Canada Post employee, one who had the whiff of management to her, walked up my steps with two pieces of mail (one junk mail, one bank statement). She knocked on the door and handed me the mail with an apology, "I didn't know where your mailbox was." I replied, "It's that large white box at the bottom of the stairs where people put mailboxes." How can a grown-up human being in Canada not recognize a mailbox? As my daughter suggested, it's like a dairy owner not knowing what a cow looks like. However, it does speak to part of what's wrong with Canada Post. It's run by morons. I have tried to send some of my crafts via Canada Post. It has been a dodgy prospect. One package could not be delivered because they couldn't find the address. When it came back, I was working by my front door with the door open. I saw the delivery truck pull ...

Hey-- can't Tasmanian siblings have sex in peace? My fly dance moves make up for my small mis-shaped penis! Watch as the North American Dumb-Ass, clad in shorts considers attacking the man with the gun... Face it: some people cannot handle a world with Peter Mansbridge Tonight on CNN: dumb reporter get attacked by the Hulk. OMG! My BF is swinging from a lamp post like a chimp!  That's why I totally love him!  How many dumb-asses does it take the get a fire going, anyways? Come to Vancouver: Enjoy our downtown open-air BBQ We'll hide behind this fence! Question: How old are you, mentally? Check it! I'm FOOURR!! Dude! I totally got a picture of that thing I burned, yo! I didn't have the heart to tell him that it didn't read "Hooligan" Man-- this wait for the port-a-potty is taking FOREVER! The irony: Christy Clark is going to need dumb people to get re-elected. Unfortunately, they riot...

"... and the dead in Christ shall rise first: Then we which are alive and remain shall be caught up together with them in the clouds, to meet the Lord in the air: and so shall we ever be with the Lord" According to Harold Camping, the End Times are nigh upon us (again-- he's been pitching The End since 1994 or earlier). The End begins on May 21st, 2011, this time around. He is giving us advanced warning. On Judgment Day, May 21 st , 2011, there begins a 5-month period of horrible torment for all the inhabitants of the Earth. On May 21 st , God will raise up all the dead that have ever died from their graves. Earthquakes will ravage the whole world as the earth will no longer conceal its dead (Isaiah 26:21). Don't get your looting shoes out of the closet. May 21st is Zombie Day. The living holy people will still be around the endure the next five months. People who died as saved individuals will experience the resurrection of their bodies and immediately leave...

Congratulations to Stephen Harper and the Conservative win of 166 seats. Let me know when you're converting those seats into Borg alcoves.

Here's a streaming feed from http://www.news.com.au/world/osama-bin-laden-dead-us-has-the-body/story-fn8ljm6z-1226048335673 : Word is being floated that Bin Laden will be buried at sea: http://blogs.abcnews.com/thenote/2011/05/osama-bin-laden-body-headed-for-burial-at-sea-officials-say.html - I guess Al Qaeda followers are free to visit his grave. 2:31pm It's being reported a woman used by bin Laden as a human shield was also killed . One helicopter used in the raid reportedly had mechanical failure and was destroyed. 2:29pm Egyptian-born doctor and surgeon Ayman al-Zawahri is al-Qaeda's second-in-command expected to succeed Osama bin Laden, Reuters reports. 2:26pm There are reports a crowd of a thousand people have gathered at Ground Zero in New York. 2:25pm Reuters reports that a US official believes Osama bin Laden's adult son and two other adults were also killed during the raid on his compound. 2:24pm The New York Times has published a seven-page obituary ...

There was a claim from a would-be contender in the Saanich-Gulf Islands riding race, that the Green party was threatening this contender in an effort to dissuade her from continuing. Yep: the threatening Green Party. Isn't that an oxymoron? Here are the top ten things I would imagine to sour their opponent's chances: They blamed the 1970s on the Liberal party of Canada. All of the Green Party supporters crowded into Beacon Ave and Pat Bay Highway intersection and blocked part of one of the bike lanes. They claimed that if you don't vote Green, Elizabeth May will come to your house and whine about the televised debates. If she doesn't win, she'll have LOTS of free time. They've been handing out Michael Ignatieff's pamphlets to scare voters away from voting Liberal. The Green Party egged the doors of all 60 Liberal voters in Sidney. Affixing Liberal bumper stickers to pickups so that jerk-wad driving is associated with jerk-wad politicians. Their statements an...

With the Federal election looming, I count myself amongst the ranks of the undecided. I don't like the Conservatives but I hate Ignatieff. I like Layton, but the NDP will never form the government, especially after Ontario and BC voters remember the disaster of provincial NDP governments. The Greens could make in-roads, but Elizabeth May is dedicated to whining and not winning. I have promised to vote for the biggest whack-job to encourage him/her. Unfortunately, our riding has only four candidates-- no independent voices, no lone gunman disarmed by the Long Gun Registry forced to participate. I have to not vote, spoil my ballot or vote for one of four people who I don't want to vote for. A lot of people feel the same way. We're tired of the bickering. We're tired of the opportunists in Ottawa who are spending our money. We're tired of them taking credit for our hard work. Elections are not a meritocracy-- they're popularity contests. The most worthy people are ...

I pop into town to buy some soup for the wife who is home sick. At 12:23PM, I bought a ticket so that I could park for 18 minutes At 12:25PM, one of the parking Nazis gives me a ticket for $40! For what? For parking too long. C148, don't go sobbing that I mock the quality of your work. You are bad at your job. Your incompetence is making downtown Victoria a place to avoid. I could not find what I was looking for, so I went to Cook St. Village in search of soup. I parked in a 1 hr. parking spot. One of Dean Fortin's lackies, a City of Victoria worker, parks behind me, on a yellow line partially obscuring a crosswalk with one wheel on the pavement. ( 1 , 2 , 3 ) Feel free to use this complaint as a boilerplate when the parking Nazis hit your car too: From: me Email : my email Reference : http://www.victoria.ca/cityhall/departments_engprk.shtml Daytime Phone : Not provided I was issued a ticket today, (ticket# PA417039) http://www.flickr.com/photos/dewolfe001/5554026490/in/photost...

I don't know why people are protesting the "Harper Government" phrasing in press releases. I take the opposite tack: I am Stephen Harper's problem if this is how he wants to play. I want lots of Harper Government money; I want lots of elective surgery; I want safe streets; I want all my friends to get this too. I used to expect that Canadians were responsible for providing this for themselves. Instead, it's the Harper Government. We don't have to provide anything. We don't have to answer for anything. Harper does. If my needs and wants spiral out of control, that's not my problem. Now it's the Harper Government problem. Stephen Harper, as the embodiment of the Harper Government: you owe me. When you are voted out of office, I hope that the Government formerly known as the Government of Canada goes with you. Governments are full people who want more money than welfare would provide and have the free time to clock in and collect that excess. Governm...

Victoria and the CRD is heavily legislated. You would think you were living in a totalitarian regime given the number of laws on the books. You can't use a tanning bed if you can't vote. You can't idle your car. You have to shovel your sidewalk. You can't smoke in a doorway (though you can shoot up in a doorway-- the lesson there: shoot up crack, don't smoke it.). We don't feel the boot of The Man, because they bylaws are complaint driven. If you don't name who you are and drive the complaint nothing happens. This explains why the lunch time drive-thru at Wendy's is a hazy mass of motorists who don't get cited for the Clean Air by-law. This from the City of Victoria: Complaints can go to their email address: bylawenforecement@victoria.ca To avoid delays in processing your complaint, and to ensure a Bylaw Officer can contact you, please ensure that you have provided your name, address, and phone number . Please note that the City of Victoria does n...

Victoria BC reacts very poorly in the face of a little snow. People from the mayor on down neglects to shovel their sidewalk. The municipalities clear the roads late, do it only once or not at all-- with over a dozen fiefdoms, it's a sampler plate of incompetence. The snow removal efforts are underfunded and somnambulistic. When people pay a steep premium to live in this pretty little town, they love the infrequency of snow. They forget that when it hits, we fall apart. A tiny amount of snow becomes a crisis. Levels of public service come across as confused and ill-prepared. Yesterday, the police told people to stay off of the roads, but large employers like UVic and the Provincial government kept it business as usual. BC Transit said the buses were running (with the exception of many routes). Schools stayed open and I think that's largely because of the school's unofficial primary role: state run day care. We have kids trudging to school on icy sidewalks-- dodging meathead...

The Writers' Union of Canada, under the leadership of its Chair Alan Cumyn, has put together a video (link not provided) featuring five writers about the perils of Bill C-32, Canada's controversial new copyright bill. Access Copyright encourages all of our creators, publishers and member organizations to spread the word about this video.I figure that Access Copyright gets most of the issues surrounding intellectual property wrong, so there's no need to spread their pap. The video features two-time Governor General's Award winner Nino Ricci, and builds awareness on how Bill C-32 and the education exceptions will hurt Canadian writers' ability to make a living. "Without strong copyright protections, professional writing in this country will be irreparably harmed," says novelist Alan Cumyn and author of the video. "Thousands of authors and artists across the country have been writing their MPs, protesting parts of this bill. This video ...

I've just finished watching, Exit Through the Gift Shop I will have to write more on it, after I have a chance to digest this documentary.

Do we live in a pressure cooker? As we look at houses for sale, we see the squished little properties where every last square foot has been built out-- where they build toilets into coat closets and calling it a bathroom. We're literally getting squeezed. Victoria's population of 78,000+ is small by comparison to a lot of places. But look at it from a viewpoint of population density and check out where Victoria ranks among BC cities. This explains why such a "tiny" place can have such road congestion and cramped housing. . City Population Area (sq. km) Cooker Factor (population / area) . Vancouver 578,041 114.71 5,039.15 . Victoria (City not region) 78,057 19.68 3,966.31 . North Vancouver 45,165 11.85 3,811.39 . New Westminster 58,549 15.41 3,799.42 . White Rock 18,755 5.16 3,634.69 . Duncan 4,986 2.05 2,432.20 . Langley 23,606 10.22 2,309.78 . Burnaby 202,799 89.12 2,275.57 . Port Coquitlam 52,687 28.85 1,826.24 . Richmond 174,461 128.76 1,354.93 . Surrey 394,976 317...

Victoria is in the throes of pretending to attempt to include rail to the Johnson St. Bridge replacement. They let the bridge fall into disrepair. They pushed through a referendum that excluded the rail and deployed a lot of dubious tricks to get the votes they needed. When local provincial representatives were urged to come out in support of rail, they failed. Maurine Karagianis, the NDP MLA for Esquimalt-Royal Roads said: "We know that a rail crossing on the Johnson Street Bridge is important... I believe that government needs to be seen as not only understanding our growing transportation challenges, but ensuring funding is in place to satisfy our current and future transportation needs. The corridor is deteriorating; the time is at hand to make a commitment to this region and without senior levels of government at the table, the opportunity may be lost... I encourage you to continue lobbying the Minister of Transportation ( Minister.Transportation@gov.bc.ca ) on this importa...

Following the BC 2010 Winter Olympics, management at Outdoor Adventures: Whistler ordered an employee to kill 100 healthy sled dogs and throw them into a pit, some still alive. Seventy of the dogs were shot and the remainder were stabbed. The employee has won a WorkSafe BC case for Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. The worker described a horrible scene "heads blown off", "half crawling" and "They most certainly did not die instantly, at least some of them." The SPCA says this is horrifying, calling the incident "a massacre." The dogs were apparently put down last April because Outdoor Adventures Whistler didn't get the boost in business expected after the 2010 Olympics. Marcie Moriarty with the SPCA told News1130 that an investigation is being launched. More information on Outdoor Adventures Whistler: Outdoor Adventures Whistler Unit No. 218 - 4293 Mountain Square Whistler, BC V0N-1B4 T: 604-905-8108/ 604-849-0076 Leeanne Fitzpatrick: leeanne@...

A good friend suggested that we write our own obituary. We laughed, but it's a good exercise. You know eventually your time will end, so how will your obituary look if you totally get your way. Not the most likely outcome for your life, but the best possible outcome for your life and where you want to end up. I'm a jack-ass. So here's are two versions of my obituary. A "funny" one and a "serious" one: The jack-ass one: Mike DeWolfe was one of the victims of President Palin's Tea Party Aboard "Brains Matter" program wherein they euthanized any foreigner with an IQ of 105+. Memorial services will be held at the Monsanto Monster Truck Expo and Gun Show. The serious one: Mike DeWolfe dabbled in many things: sculpture, new media, writing, entrepreneurship, socio-cultural reform; and was a sometimes gadfly. After finding success with his website, _________.com, he left web development and moved into a mix of humor, art and business ventures. He s...

Questions are coming up about the last couple years for Jared Loughner. His fellow students sat near exits "just in case he brought a sub-machine gun." The college dismissed him and informed his parents that he could only return after a psychological assessment. Police knew about him. The warning signs were plain as day. Still: he could buy a gun and ammo. He was completely unwatched until it was too late. Police are now serving as frontline social workers and de facto psychologists. And, why not? Psychology is as much about social mores as it is about mental health. And crimes are relative the society they apply to. Crime, social norms and behavior are all relative. When you take things to their cold abstractions, many psychological disorders get applauded when the time is right: When someone is praying and demonstrating their faith, are they asking for wish fulfillment from an imaginary super being? When Loughner leapt out, mowed down a politician, a little girl, a judge an...